Overheard in a bar outside my body

"...And I'm handsome.
You're handsome.
You're very handsome."

"So why don't you love me?!"
"Why? Do you love me?"

"Well, yes, yeah I think I do."
"Oh..damn, and and why?"

"Why?"(hesitates)

–She lowers her eyes and expects the same she's heard tens of times from lovers that had been turned down. The last flip of a fin of a dying caught fish on the banks of a river. She consoles herself with the fact that the agony will be shortlived.

"Because it's easy. Because your beautiful, you're smart and you're righteous. I love how we talk, I love how we meet, I love when you smile and look away and I love how you're strong and stubborn and lazy. I love being the person that you rely on for wisdom or for things you know but you just need repeated. I love making you laugh and I love how your eyes light up when you're surprised. I love how you plan: that wacky confused way of tackling problems you have. I love your dark side, I love how you let yourself be dominated by it with no fear of succombing. I love when you're drunk and I love when you're groggy and critical. I love that you're so easily offended. I love your hair and how you move. There's a certain encompassing movement you do when you reach around to hug your legs. I love little, diametrical things about you: the childish innocent nail painting and the womanly stares you sometimes give when you don't agree with me. I love going places with you while we drink coffee. I love how you're determined, but I love how you more than once relied on me to confirm it. I love how I feel important and needed when I'm around you. I love how we would be the best couple, but still lead our own lives. I love how we once closed our eyes next to each other on an October bench and with the blessing of a dying sun you said: "I wanna stay here forever." And I said: "me too."

You're the color yellow, you're a rhyme, you're the dark gray after a fire and the turn of November.

But thinking about it, I really don't know why I love you."

for S.L.