I almost drowned / I wanted to drown

as i was tumbling,

rumbling through the thick winter

water, whether

by intensity or curiosity or chance

and in this way,

still and still–

in immobile rotation

i lay vanished

from sense, air, 

or gravity excused

contrasted twitch

made me swim ungracefully

to hold on water under water

in the frail hand 
 hand of my heart's content

but as i grasped

–the silence all around–

my motion came to an improbable

surprise

all was water

all was white and gray

and longing for skies and swimming for 

air

i touched sand.